Sunday, May 9, 2010

Notes From A Cat Sitter - 1

My wife is away on vacation with her best friend. She's been gone a week and won't be back until next weekend. I miss her terribly, but that's not what this post is about. While they're out gallivanting around, I'm entrusted with holding down the fort at home and cat sitting for the friend. These are my notes from the first two cat sitting visits.

May 5, 2010

Dear J,

I met your list of demands regarding Angel; all cat sitting related boxes are officially checked. Since it's Cinco de Mayo we had a little fiesta involving nachos and margaritas. You may not know this, but your cat is prone to mood swings when she's drinking. I told her Cinco de Mayo isn't a big deal in Mexico, that it's basically US marketing hype. She glared at me, her upper lip sparkling with crystals of course salt, and she said, "Screw you, puta. You don't know shit about Mexico."

I didn't know how to respond.

Another margarita later and she was nuzzling against me and purring with contentment. Then she got all loopy and excused herself. When she teetered back into the room, a giant maroon sombrero sat cockeyed on her head. She insisted that, for the rest of my visit, I call her Angela using the Spanish pronunciation.

I like your cat, but she can't handle her booze.

-Hunter


May 7, 2010

Dear J,

Angel is doing well today. She has plenty of food and water, but I didn't give her any alcohol this time. I read to her from King Lear. I can't believe she'd never even heard of Shakespeare. She'd be terribly embarrassed if she knew I told you this, but she asked me if Shakespeare was one of the girls on The OC. And when I told her Shakespeare was a man, she asked if he was a NASCAR driver.

What are you teaching your cat?

Anyway, after a lot of explaining, we got everything all sussed out. She enjoyed the reading and thanked me profusely for the culture. I think we really bonded this visit. When I was leaving, I said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." She purred with approval.

-Hunter

20 comments:

  1. Me thinks you're missing your wife really quite a lot.

    Very funny post!

    Helena xx

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  2. Glee.

    This made me feel very gleeful.

    Well done Hunter, as usual.

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  3. I go a bit mad too when Sharon goes away. Nice post. Particularly liked Day 1.

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  4. This is my favourite every Hunter post. Funny, eloquent and very original. I am cat sitting for my friend Elizabeth in June - I'm annoyed you thought of this before me.
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

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  5. too funny. I love this. i am filled with joy, and a smile that will stay with me the rest of the day.

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  6. Hi, All... Glad you guys enjoyed this one. Just a super quick summary of what are actual notes I've left for our friend. I'll probably do one more next week...

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  7. looks like somebody had a bit too much margarita--and i'm not talking about the cat.

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  8. As I sit here looking at our very fat, totally immobile, tee total lump of knotty fur (or Martin to give him his formal name) I can only dream of the fun to be had with a cat in a sombrero.

    thank you for making me laugh out loud.

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  9. Hi, Sarah. When it comes to margaritas, too much is never enough. ;)

    Hi, Sharon. You already have the cat. Sounds like you're only a sombrero away. Glad you enjoyed this one.

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  10. I liked this! Very funny.

    Sometimes I watch my cat and "speak for him" in the voice of a Spanish pot head (or what I imagine one of those to sound like, anyway).

    Then I crack up.

    I swear I'm hardly ever sober when this happens.

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  11. Hilarious Hunter! Can't wait to hear what J. thinks when they get back from their trip (if she doesn't get to read it while she's there).

    I'm sure Angel is very happy with J.s choice of cat sitter :)

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  12. Hi, OWO. I do weird stuff like that all the time. And I'm generally sober at the time.

    Hi, Anita. Yeah, it'll be interesting to see what J thinks. I have to go over there again tomorrow. Hope your back is doing better.

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  13. Wow. When I cat sit the most the kitty ever does is put on Marvin Gaye and raise a seductive eyebrow at me.

    They need to neuter that cat...

    Awesome as always, Sir H. :)

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  14. Haha Hunter, hilarious. When you described the cat wearing a sombrero i just thought of those LOLCATS pictures that are everywhere nowadays! Nice post. :)

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  15. Hahahaha, perfect.

    Cats are notoriously bad at holding their piss.

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  16. Really funny, Hunter. I loved it. Cat sitting is SO much more complicated than dog-sitting! You just throw a smelly ball for them and scratch their ears and you're done! : )

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  17. Oh Hunter, this is fabulous. This post is exactly why I missed being absent for so long. I am such a bad girl for not reading up on your cat-sitting shenanigans.

    Great fun!

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  18. Hi, VA. Sounds like he got game.

    Hi, Lou. Yeah, that sounds about right.

    Hi, S&C. Wish I'd known that ahead of time.

    Hi, Leah. Probably true, but dog sitting requires more visits.

    Hi, Lola. Nice to see you around the blogosphere.

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  19. Oh, Hunter....I have been away, and I see the cat has been playing and that cat is you. Fabulous post as usual....I really need to make it a point to stop by more often.

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  20. Hi, Amber. Nice to see you back in the blogosphere.

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